It's okay to not be okay
Photo by Marc Wieland on Unsplash
My coach often says she's fine for current values of fine. To me, this epitomizes the discomfort tolerance that I am working on, by choice, or by circumstance these days. I can be fine even when everything feels like it's in a state of emergency, not bypassing my feelings of frustration, anger, grief, and fear. But allowing for those feelings.
And being in the midst of all of that can still leave me feeling pretty wrecked. But the reminder is that I have tools and resources. I've spent lots of money on coaching and therapy and courses and classes to gather tools to support regulating my nervous system. I offer the suggestion to my patients to make a written list, like a menu! Because I often forget my tools. Here's what mine looks like:
Movement (that's really informal, shaking, swaying, doing the used car inflatable man "dance." Actually I hesitate to use the word dance, because it's too formal!
Baths getting into hot water helps me slow way down and be in my body in a way that feels really nurturing and easy. Very little effort on my part (as long as I've cleaned the tub recently lol.) Bonus points for throwing in several big handfuls of epsom salts to get some transdermal magnesium to help down regulate your nervous system.
Nature time whether in the garden or in the forest! We have co-evolved with plants and they are here to support us, as medicine, as allies, as friends. This study shows the profound health benefits of forest bathing!
Vocalization of any kind, screaming in a pillow, chanting om, vocal toning, singing, sighing!
Meditation any amount is good, 5 minutes, 2 minutes, or even taking 3 deep breaths.
Cold Plunges for 30 seconds to 2 minutes. This one can take a bit to build up to, but it has been such a profound support to my nervous system. In preparation for our Reiki retreat, my teacher Marie Kyoko Morohoshi of Starnation Reiki had us do cold showers starting at 30 seconds and gradually building up to 2 minutes in preparation for misogi, cold water cleansing practice at the retreat. We get together every two weeks now to misogi together in the bay.
But this is all to say when we are in crisis, all those tools are sometimes not accessible! And that's okay too.
In my family, we use the shorthand, taking care of our animal self:
Eating regularly
Sleeping at least 8 hours
Drinking water
Walking or any kind of movement for any amount of time
If all of that is too challenging, here's a grounding exercise for anxiety I learned from a friend, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
Notice and name:
5 things I can see
4 things I can touch
3 things I can hear
2 things I can smell
1 thing I can taste
I finish with a piece of chocolate or a bite or sip of something delicious! Sometimes I take a drop of Rescue Remedy that I keep in my purse.
Ps. We sell Rescue Remedy in the clinic!
But the biggest take away from these challenging times is that it is a shared experience, and if you can give yourself some grace and compassion as we all muddle through late stage capitalism and climate collapse, we are going to take it one moment at a time. I just want you to know you're not alone.
Pps. I would love to help support your nervous system to resource you in these trying times. And I have appointments available.